Are you newly engaged and starting your wedding planning process? Congratulations, first of all, on finding the person you want to spend your life with.
Your wedding is one of life’s most important days, so it makes sense to think seriously about who is going to be at your wedding party. Bridesmaids have duties, so think about the individuals who are the best fit for the role, as well as your relationship with each individual.
Tradition vs. Truth
Some of the old bridesmaid selection rules created even more stress during the planning of weddings. In the past, to balance the lineup at the altar and for each individual to have someone to walk with after the ceremony, brides and grooms were expected to have an equal number of women and men in the bridal party. That’s not always the best thing for the event, though, so you don’t need to balance it to make it perfectly even.
Another old rule is that, per number of guests, you should have a certain number of bridesmaids. That is also unrealistic, although if you only have 50 people in attendance, it might be awkward to have 12 bridesmaids. How many you have based on your wishes and relationships with the individuals involved is still up to you. It’s completely up to you if you want everyone in attendance to be at your wedding party.
First Things First First Things First
You need to determine how many bridesmaids you want for your wedding before you start making your list. Some things to consider are here:
How much space you are going to have at the altar
Cost for each individual at your wedding party
How many people are going to attend the wedding?
Family Size on Both Sides
Compose your list
Now it is time for a list of prospective bridesmaids to be made. In addition to the name of each person, note down some notes, such as how long you have been friends, your relationship with her, whether or not the person needs to be the focus of attention, if she has created drama in the past, and how much time she has for the duties.
When making your list, here are some additional things to consider:
Can an individual afford to be at your wedding? You’ll need at least a rough idea of how much per person it will cost.
Is the individual trustworthy or is she always late? Based on her punctuality in the past, you can determine this if she constantly stands you up, or if she says she’ll do something but never follows through.
Has she got time? Someone who has a new baby or job may be concerned with her new duties and not have the time to commit to wedding preparation for her.
Matters of Family
Think about your relationship and who will be around long after the wedding if you have a difficult time making a decision but have to limit the number of bridesmaids. Family comes first in many instances, because they will be the ones who are still there, no matter what. If you come from a large family, however, you may have to limit your wedding party’s number of relatives.
To help narrow the number of family members, here are some criteria:
Select those who are adults only.
Select members of the family who live in your area.
Choose your sibling over your distant cousin.
Remember that for younger family members or people you’d like to include, there are other positions of honour. Maybe at the reception, they can hand out programmes, help with seating, or make a toast.
Expectations and obligations
What you expect from your bridesmaids is what you need to determine. Do you want them to be actively involved in the selection of planning and dress? Or would you like them to focus strictly on their role in the ceremony? During the reception, do you expect them to participate in a special dance or skit? When selecting your wedding party, consider each individual according to your expectations and the duties they will have.
Honored Man or Best Woman
Is the opposite sex your best friend or closest sibling? Traditionally, there were men on one side and women on the other for wedding parties. That is not the rule anymore, though. During your big day, you may choose someone of the opposite sex to stand up with you.
Multiple Honorary Maids
The bridesmaid you feel most close to should be the Maid of Honor. You may choose to have two maids of honour if you find yourself torn between two individuals. Make sure you are clear about what you expect from each of them and try before, during, and after the wedding to even out their duties.
Suggesting to Your Bridesmaids
Brides in the past would just pick up the phone and ask their friends to be at their wedding. It’s now become a much larger production. Typically, brides’ pop the question’ to the people they want at their wedding party. This contributes to the thrill of the honour.
Creative ways for bridesmaids to propose:
“To each prospective bridesmaid, have flowers or a gift basket delivered with a card asking, “Will you be my bridesmaid? ”
Invite the girls to dinner at home or out and give each of them a balloon with a proposal from the bridesmaid. You can also suggest a toast with customised glasses of wine that include their name and the proposal.
Give each individual a piece of jewellery and a note asking her to be your bridesmaid in a design that relates to your relationship.
Wrap a wine or champagne bottle with a personal message as to why you want her to be your bridesmaid.
Package for personalised bridesmaid care. This could be a lip balm cosmetic bag with tissues, a hairbrush, and chocolate.
Give every girl a personalised picture frame of “Will you be my bridesmaid” with a photo of you and her from a happy occasion.
Have a party for the scavenger hunt. Have enough clues to keep them guessing until they reach the “prise,” which can be a custom box filled with little things that you know they’re going to like. Remember to attach a handwritten note asking them to be your bridesmaid. A photo frame, monogrammed handkerchief, necklace, or another item that relates to your relationship may include some of the items in the box.
Feelings of Hurt
Be ready for some hurt feelings after the excitement of selecting and proposing to your bridesmaids. This might come from someone you can’t include as a bridesmaid, or it might be someone who wants your maid of honour to be. It is important to be prepared, whatever the case, but remember that you can’t make everybody happy.
Here are a few things you can do to limit the feelings of hurt:
For those who express their thoughts, have an explanation prepared.
Avoid saying that you like someone else more or, even if that’s the case, you feel closer to another person. You can mention their location, a family obligation, or that you are restricting only adults to the wedding party. Plan what to say so that later you won’t have regrets.
Express how much you value your friendship, and during this period of her life, you didn’t want to put additional demands on her.
Have other honour positions for those who were not chosen to be bridesmaids. Keep positive with your request and express that you value her friendship. For instance, because she has such a warm and welcoming personality, you might tell her that you would like her to be in charge of the reception table after the wedding.
Be Comprehension
Don’t be upset if you are turned down by someone to be your bridesmaid, for whatever reason. The individual may not have the money or the time it takes to be a bridesmaid, or maybe she is too self-conscious to walk in front of a church full of people down the aisle. Accept her wishes graciously and let her know that you hope she can attend the ceremony and reception.
When you don’t get asked,
Maybe somebody you know is getting married, but you’re not being asked to be a bridesmaid. Don’t personally take it. The bride is under a tremendous amount of stress from all sides coming at her, and right now she does not need a friendship drama. Take the high road and offer your help if there is something you can do. In order to cement your friendship, your understanding, kindness, and generosity will go a long way.
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